Foodie-ism 102: A Foodie is what a Foodie does

Author's Note:

Dear Readers,

The incredible reception to Foodie-ism 101 has steeled my resolve - in fact, it has been titanium-ed. But I must desist from self-praise and do some housekeeping first, and then we shall proceed to the next frontier of awareness - the eagerly awaited Foodie-ism 102.

1) "Foodie-ism", asks a fond history reader from Chattanooga, TN, "is as huge as Fordism, right?"
Ah, friend, history may yet award me that equal stature (hopefully higher!) but I'll let history do that. I shall merely bask in humble false modesty.

2) "Uncle,uncle, uncle, uncle" pipes lil Chewy Chomp Chomp the Frankfurter" am I a Foodie if I eat 2 dozen lollipops and a gazillion popsicles everyday?"
Chewy, you'd be a Chomp Champ even if you ate a lot less! More on that in the coming lessons!

Happy Munching,
"Uncle" Eat-a-lot


So, we have associated all of the world's problems with a lazy attitude towards food. Now, I don't expect everyone to be solving complex puzzles before their dinner, but rather make the cooking a complex puzzle. Consider this student guide to cooking:

How to make tomato soup:

1) Open Can.

2) Pour contents in bowl

3) Heat in microwave.

4) Eat

However, if you were to consult, say Chef Gusteau (of Ratatouille fame), he would give u a recipe at least 3 pages long, and would require you to consult a city directory as well as a culinary dictionary. You would realize that Ginger and Rosemary are not merely girls' names; Nutmeg is not Meg Ryan's formal first name, and Oregano is not a first cousin of Valentino Rossi. Again, Ajinomoto is not a Sumo wrestler (or a Motorola phone model). Just as you can tell a man from a woman from their understanding of some obscure sport terminology (or maybe you can't - I have at least 3 fabulous women friends who know that a "silly point" isn't exactly silly, or pointless.), you can tell a true Foodie by shooting off a random foodie term and watching them react. Observe the following conversations:

Jolly Roger runs into Classy Cucumber - CC has a reputation for being a foodie.

Jolly Roger (in a loud whisper): Beets cooked with ginger and turmeric taste incredible!
Classy Cucumber (looking outraged): Beets! and ginger! (The rest of what CC says is unparliamentary, and therefore unpublishable)

Now, wanting to rescue some false foodie pride, our friend Jolly Roger tries a similar trick on Saucy Salsa

Jolly Roger (chanting): Sautee the onions till brown. Then add the veggies. Finally fry the tomatoes on top.

Saucy Salsa: You cumbersome curmudgeon of a cook! It's always onions, and tomatoes, and then other veggies!

Clearly, Jolly Roger can start his Foodie Club with Classy Cucumber and Saucy Salsa as Joint-Presidents.

Now, the next question has to do with our Chewy Champ's question (see above). What truly is considered Food for a Foodieness? We did some "marketing research" on this.. and here are some insightful ideas:

Mrs. YJB: Food is anything that you can digest. I can digest almost everything but my husband (whispers) has smelly poop when he eats carrots!!!

Mr. NOK: Food! Ha ha! My favorite topic! Ha ha! Eat healthy, stay healthy...ulp..(clutches stomach and runs)

Lil Micky: My mommy always says you should chew your food before swallowing. Is that right?

Professor Paglewala: Food is any aesthetically pleasing combination of solid and liquid substances which are constituted of various naturally-occurring and artificially-produced chemic... (our cameraman fell asleep at this point, but you get the point don't you?)

So, to categorically answer Chewy Chomp's question.. Food is what the Foodie eats!

We'll be back with more, so stay tuned!